Dear Friend

In my circle of friends, there was a friend who was already a mommy, and she did it so effortlessly. So when I found out I was pregnant, she was the first friend I shared my news with.  From giving me advice on how to handle my horrible morning sickness to sharing tips on how she became successful at breastfeeding. I knew our friendship was about to reach another level as I joined her in Motherhood. However, when I found out that Makensie had died in the womb, she wasn't the first friend I told. I had another close friend share my bad news. I barely wanted to talk to her, I felt like a failure. I started to wonder where did I go wrong? These thoughts of guilt drove me away from a very dear friend and made me jealous that she was a mother and had her baby and I was not.  January I was empty, and my soul was cold. I was right where the enemy wanted me; dark thoughts and alone. 

But what I didn't know my friend had her issues she was dealing with when it came to reaching out to me during my time of grief
 


Finding out that I was no longer going to be the only mom out of my group of friends had me ecstatic. I was so happy to give tips, share labor stories, and welcome you to motherhood. I couldn't wait to take pictures of my KJ holding your Kensie and having him say "baby" with a big smile on his face when we would go to meet her. Then I got the news.....

You know that women have stillborn babies, but somehow you don't think it can happen to you or someone you are close to. I was filled with so many emotions: I was sad and filled with grief because one of my best friends lost their child, I also felt guilty because I was able to have my child at home with me. I was afraid to say anything to you because I didn't want my baby to remind you of losing yours. I didn't want to talk about KJ or share his milestones. I tried not to bring up anything baby related at all. 

Then you shared with me the details of what happened and opened up, I realized that I had been a terrible friend and instead of trying to hide things I should have talked about them more. It wasn't until I saw you physically that I realized you are still the same friend that I've known since freshman year of high school, you are still Kj's auntie, and most importantly you are still a mother. 

My advice to anyone who has a friend that has suffered the loss of a child or miscarriage is that to not forget that they are still your friend. Make sure you check in on them and let them know if they want to talk about anything that you are there, don't try to avoid things or topics. They will let you know if they need space or not, just continue to love them. 

I gave my pregnancy tips to you, we shared our labor stories, and I know one day I will be on the phone giving you tips on how to calm a fussy newborn. 💕


Sincerely, Breana Melvin

 

Our communication went back to normal as I shared my story with her and she listened as well as help me get a better understanding of the medical profession as I disagreed with a lot that happened the night I lost my daughter.

I'm so thankful to have her in my life.  

" Friends are the medicine for a wounded heart and vitamins for a hopeful soul " Steve Maraboli