Pregnant Girl , no baby

As mentioned in My Story, I moved my family to Florida for numerous reasons. However the main two reasons were:

1.) shorter work hours so I can spend more time with Tim and my Makensie. I use to work  50-60 hours, five days a week and an hour commute to and from work depending on D.C traffic.

2.) Florida is where the HQ for my company is located at, and the HQ building had a daycare inside. This was vital to me since  I had no family or friends here. So the daycare being in the same building was the best perk for us. 

Spending more time with my growing family and being able to see my little one anytime throughout my work day made this job very special to me.  I kept my pregnancy a secret from my new managers till I was around 16 weeks and already accepted the position. My new coworkers didn't know until my belly started to grow and become more noticeable. One coworker always wanted to rub my belly when I walked by her desk.  Others will start small talk asking about my due date, gender, do I have a name. Some moms shared their experiences of their first pregnancy with me.

Weeks went by my prenatal visits went from once a month to twice a week to every week. As it got closer to my due date, I became more and more anxious to meet my little blessing. I would stare out the window, daydreaming about having lunch with her and going to see her, just to brighten up my day. But that's all it will ever be just a dream. I returned to work after my 12 weeks: no baby, no growing belly. Just an incomplete me.


When everything first happened my job did send their condolences, some colleagues came to visit. Another coworker will come and walk with me around my neighborhood.  I took 12 weeks off, and it still wasn't enough time to prepare me to return to work alone.  My first week was overwhelming. I left early my first day and called out twice in the same week ( FYI been with my company for 3.5 years and never called out ). I avoided looking out the window so I wouldn't see the daycare infants going on their morning stroll around the building. I kept headphones in to prevent conversations with people.

I could feel that some wanted to speak but didn't know what they should say. While others just said, "Welcome back."  I was the pregnant girl everyone knew and now the girl with no baby.  


Time heal all wounds, some take longer than others . I sit and think , i'm not sure what God plan is for my husband and me  but I do believe  I am suppose to share my story  and help others who experience the same pain.