What and What not to say to grieving parents


During these past few months, people have been sending their condolences to my family on our loss. Some are very genuine and others just don't know what to say. So if you don't know what to say, that's totally okay!  Just don't say the following:

  1. "You guys are young, and you can have another baby" Actually I want this baby and all her future siblings as well.
  2. " Maybe it wasn't meant to be " Excuse me? I carry my baby for 38 weeks and three days.
  3. "Well, it's not like you got to meet her/him" I knew my baby like no other, and my baby knows what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside. Along with holding her for the first and last time. We know each other VERY well.
  4. For those who have experienced miscarriage " Well it wasn't a real baby "  No matter how early in the pregnancy the baby past. That's still someone's child who they love dearly. You just don't miss the first birthday, but you miss all milestones.
  5. "You're, so strong"  You have no idea, how weak we really feel.

During this time of heartache, these are the things we want from you:

  1. Sit, and be quite: When my family came down and stayed for two weeks with Tim and me, it was very comforting just to have them around. Even when I didn't want to talk, just being able to lay my head on my mother's lap or share a blanket with my mother in law. Soothe me in more ways than I thought it would. 
  2. Ask if we want to talk: At times I use to think no one wants to listen to me and even when I'm broiling over wanting to talk about my feelings, I didn't. I kept it locked inside until my best friend Krystal  told me "I'm just a call or text away, you can vent to me all you want ." That was comforting, and I would talk to Tim, my mom, and Krystal about my feelings and they will just listen. 
  3. Be prepared to hand us tissue: We may cry in silence, so just give us a tissue as we stare off into space with tears falling down our face.
  4. Call or text and just say "Hey, still thinking about you ": A lot of my good college friends, we're great at this. One took the time to send me daily devotional for Tim and me to read to lift our spirits. Because one thing as someone who is grieving, we realize the harsh reality that life still goes on but to have someone reach out to let still you know " Hey, I know your heart is broken, and I'm thinking about you, and I'm here"  goes a long way.
  5. Sometimes a laugh helps ease the pain: My mother in law and cousin are amusing and having them to talk to it was like they were the only ones who can make me crack a smile. Even when I didn't want too.
Our wedding day , we put white lilies and pink roses in the ocean for our baby girl.

Our wedding day , we put white lilies and pink roses in the ocean for our baby girl.